Thursday, April 22, 2004
I was down with an extremely strong bout of fever that kept me on the bed for 6 days last week. During these few days I was overcome by a sense of doom and helplessness as the headache and high temperatures refused to leave me.
From Wednesday when the fever started till Saturday, I was trying to nurse myself back to health but to no avail. I didn't want to go home basically for two (pretty silly) reasons: (1) I didn't want to further burden my mom who's already busy taking care of the household, and (2) I didn't want to spread my illness to my nephew (which I later found out was also sick even before I went home). So I stayed in my hall room, closed my door, and tried to minimize contact with the outside world because I needed rest. I thought I could take care of myself, being an adult and stuff.
Boy, was I wrong.
I give thanks to all my friends who showed concern to me during this period of sickness. Some of them dropped by and made sure I was cared for and bought food for me. Thanks dudes. Those were moments of sacrificial giving.
But then, nothing can replace the care from a mother. The mother's touch and love is magical and irreplaceable.
I finally could not bear the isolation on Saturday night. I admitted defeat and went home to my mother's TLC--I am not as "strong" as I thought myself to be. On the outside I was a full-grown adult equipped to fend for myself. On the inside I became that mommy's little boy, shivering and groaning, tormented by the fever.
I suddenly found myself back in the age of 8 and 10. Being fed again with the strong-smelling "cooling water" and herbal tea I used to hate back then but now drank with gratitude. Being brought to see the same doctor who attended to me when I was a child, in a place where time have may have done its work on the exterior but the people inside remains the same. I have not been to this part of my housing estate, where the clinic is, for more than 8 years now.
I was back Home. The place I grew up in but have since left during adolescence. Left for the neon lights outside my Home.
And it was at Home where I recovered faster than the many days in hall. All under the loving care and attention given by my mom.
If there's anything that I've learned because of this illness, it is that Home is where the refuge will always be.
From Wednesday when the fever started till Saturday, I was trying to nurse myself back to health but to no avail. I didn't want to go home basically for two (pretty silly) reasons: (1) I didn't want to further burden my mom who's already busy taking care of the household, and (2) I didn't want to spread my illness to my nephew (which I later found out was also sick even before I went home). So I stayed in my hall room, closed my door, and tried to minimize contact with the outside world because I needed rest. I thought I could take care of myself, being an adult and stuff.
Boy, was I wrong.
I give thanks to all my friends who showed concern to me during this period of sickness. Some of them dropped by and made sure I was cared for and bought food for me. Thanks dudes. Those were moments of sacrificial giving.
But then, nothing can replace the care from a mother. The mother's touch and love is magical and irreplaceable.
I finally could not bear the isolation on Saturday night. I admitted defeat and went home to my mother's TLC--I am not as "strong" as I thought myself to be. On the outside I was a full-grown adult equipped to fend for myself. On the inside I became that mommy's little boy, shivering and groaning, tormented by the fever.
I suddenly found myself back in the age of 8 and 10. Being fed again with the strong-smelling "cooling water" and herbal tea I used to hate back then but now drank with gratitude. Being brought to see the same doctor who attended to me when I was a child, in a place where time have may have done its work on the exterior but the people inside remains the same. I have not been to this part of my housing estate, where the clinic is, for more than 8 years now.
I was back Home. The place I grew up in but have since left during adolescence. Left for the neon lights outside my Home.
And it was at Home where I recovered faster than the many days in hall. All under the loving care and attention given by my mom.
If there's anything that I've learned because of this illness, it is that Home is where the refuge will always be.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
I'm kinda being bombarded by the golden question by my friends recently...no, not "when are you getting married" (that's the diamond question), but "what are you going to do after you graduate?"
If I'm not giving the usual crappy answer "work lah!", my best response to this question would usually be...
Sad, isn't it? After my teaching application was rejected, I'm at quite a loss what I should be aiming for as my job. My dreams of being a teacher did not shatter completely, though. I'm going to try again after I've tried out the private sector. But then, who knows? Maybe I'll get so comfortable in the private sector that I'll shelf my plans of being a teacher indefinitely. Or somewhere along the line a secondary school teaching job may just land on my lap. It's nice even just to dream about it, even though dreams rarely come true if you don't work towards it.
Many of my friends, both Christians and non-Christians, asked me why am I not in church on Good Friday and Easter Sunday. The reason, although a bit unconventional, is that my church doesn't have a centralized celebration service for Good Friday. Whatever celebrations are "decentralized", meaning it's held at the cell level. This allowed the various cells to be more flexible in their planning when inviting their pre-believing friends. As for Easter Sunday, my church does have services on Sunday, but I go to the Saturday youth service. It may be on different days, but the theme and attitude is still the same--to worship God and celebrate our Lord's resurrection!
Our Ethnos network has grown by another 4 decisions! Hallelujah! Even though our network is expanding, a principle continues to guide my thoughts:
"You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things." Cool. God's also into SAF's concept of "progressive training". Little by little...
And what's more important than the salvations is to see them becoming not just disciples, but disciple-makers for Jesus.
If I'm not giving the usual crappy answer "work lah!", my best response to this question would usually be...
"I spent 4 years knowing what I do not want to do; I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to be after I graduate."
Sad, isn't it? After my teaching application was rejected, I'm at quite a loss what I should be aiming for as my job. My dreams of being a teacher did not shatter completely, though. I'm going to try again after I've tried out the private sector. But then, who knows? Maybe I'll get so comfortable in the private sector that I'll shelf my plans of being a teacher indefinitely. Or somewhere along the line a secondary school teaching job may just land on my lap. It's nice even just to dream about it, even though dreams rarely come true if you don't work towards it.
Many of my friends, both Christians and non-Christians, asked me why am I not in church on Good Friday and Easter Sunday. The reason, although a bit unconventional, is that my church doesn't have a centralized celebration service for Good Friday. Whatever celebrations are "decentralized", meaning it's held at the cell level. This allowed the various cells to be more flexible in their planning when inviting their pre-believing friends. As for Easter Sunday, my church does have services on Sunday, but I go to the Saturday youth service. It may be on different days, but the theme and attitude is still the same--to worship God and celebrate our Lord's resurrection!
Our Ethnos network has grown by another 4 decisions! Hallelujah! Even though our network is expanding, a principle continues to guide my thoughts:
"The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.' His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' "
Matthew 25:20-21
"You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things." Cool. God's also into SAF's concept of "progressive training". Little by little...
And what's more important than the salvations is to see them becoming not just disciples, but disciple-makers for Jesus.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Went out today with some of the Block people to each sushi buffet at...where else? Sakae Sushi, of course! They're the only one (I believe) that offers sushi buffet at the ridiculous dunch hour of 3-6pm. I say "dunch" because, being a buffet, value-conscious Singaporeans are bound to eat their fill to cover up the lunch and dinner meals. For us hostelites, being super value-conscious (read: cheapo), a buffet would mean a chance to cover breakfast all the way to supper. Which we did. All within $15.05 inclusive of whatever tax and charges, but after a student discount.
Better exploit the privilege of being a student before I cease to be one in less than a month's time.
We had intended to go to the SS branch at HarbourFront; upon reaching there, we are politely informed that their buffet starts only at 5pm. Argh! Our stomachs were growling...we had no choice but to take 4 taxis (there were 16 of us--what a nice number) down to the Suntec City branch. It's quite ridiculous to have different timings for their buffet promotion at different branches--how in the world are we suppose to know?
Action began at the sushi restaurant. Towards the end of the meal we were making so much noise as a bunch of crazy undergrad hostelites that we attracted weird stares from the other diners and the manager himself. Wasabe became a hot favourite as the choice of sabotage in their challenge games.
I ate so much that I felt my stomach would burst anytime and I felt like puking. Me bad for being a glutton and eating without limits. "Mind over body" best demonstrated in this instance.
After that, we went over to the arcade to aid digestion. It's been...let me count...(2+2.5+4)...8+ years since I last stepped into an arcade. OK, I'm exaggerating, more like it's been a few years since I last played in an arcade. My favourite games were Bishi Bashi and Photo Hunt. Classics. Arcade games never change: I spotted others like Virtua Striker, King of Fighters (although it's in its 2003 incarnation) and the evergreen Dance Dance Revolution(s). I hoped I've gotten the names correct.
What made this outing so interesting was the fact that this is probably one of the last (if not the last) outings I'm ever going with the Block. It has been a fun 4 years staying in Block D/Sheares Hall, but as with all good things, they need to come to an end.
On a sidenote: if there's any useful vocabulary that I've learnt this year, it would be "posterity" and "reverse auction".
Better exploit the privilege of being a student before I cease to be one in less than a month's time.
We had intended to go to the SS branch at HarbourFront; upon reaching there, we are politely informed that their buffet starts only at 5pm. Argh! Our stomachs were growling...we had no choice but to take 4 taxis (there were 16 of us--what a nice number) down to the Suntec City branch. It's quite ridiculous to have different timings for their buffet promotion at different branches--how in the world are we suppose to know?
Action began at the sushi restaurant. Towards the end of the meal we were making so much noise as a bunch of crazy undergrad hostelites that we attracted weird stares from the other diners and the manager himself. Wasabe became a hot favourite as the choice of sabotage in their challenge games.
I ate so much that I felt my stomach would burst anytime and I felt like puking. Me bad for being a glutton and eating without limits. "Mind over body" best demonstrated in this instance.
After that, we went over to the arcade to aid digestion. It's been...let me count...(2+2.5+4)...8+ years since I last stepped into an arcade. OK, I'm exaggerating, more like it's been a few years since I last played in an arcade. My favourite games were Bishi Bashi and Photo Hunt. Classics. Arcade games never change: I spotted others like Virtua Striker, King of Fighters (although it's in its 2003 incarnation) and the evergreen Dance Dance Revolution(s). I hoped I've gotten the names correct.
What made this outing so interesting was the fact that this is probably one of the last (if not the last) outings I'm ever going with the Block. It has been a fun 4 years staying in Block D/Sheares Hall, but as with all good things, they need to come to an end.
On a sidenote: if there's any useful vocabulary that I've learnt this year, it would be "posterity" and "reverse auction".
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
My FYP presentation is over. Not exactly nerve-wrecking, but I had to be careful to not let my confidence level drop too low with all the comments made by the two examiners. Once the initial hill of explaining why I didn't go for a field visit as part of my project, and (hopefully) convincing them that my project is still of some value despite not having first-hand data, the rest of pretty smooth sailing.
My expectations for this FYP has dropped far below obtaining a B grade. It would be God's grace if I can just pass. I wouldn't want to stay back in NUS just to do something that I hate to do in the first place.
These 4 years in NUS has proved that I'm not cut out to be a student. Or must I say, I'm not the sort of disciplined student that can juggle both academics and ECAs easily. The lure of doing something I enjoy (and it's certainly not studying) is too great for me to resist and studies naturally takes a backseat. On hindsight, it's a bit regretful that I didn't put enough effort in my studies, but that's something I should not harp on. My philosophy in life is to move on, no matter what mistakes I've made or whatever spanners that were thrown into my life.
God will always have a plan for me.
My expectations for this FYP has dropped far below obtaining a B grade. It would be God's grace if I can just pass. I wouldn't want to stay back in NUS just to do something that I hate to do in the first place.
These 4 years in NUS has proved that I'm not cut out to be a student. Or must I say, I'm not the sort of disciplined student that can juggle both academics and ECAs easily. The lure of doing something I enjoy (and it's certainly not studying) is too great for me to resist and studies naturally takes a backseat. On hindsight, it's a bit regretful that I didn't put enough effort in my studies, but that's something I should not harp on. My philosophy in life is to move on, no matter what mistakes I've made or whatever spanners that were thrown into my life.
God will always have a plan for me.
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