Just Another Blog Out There

Took this photo at MacRitchie reservoir on the Chinese New Year eve when I went for the department's monthly run there. We usually have a time of devotion after the run, and I took the chance to take a few pictures here and there.

My thoughts tonight have nothing to do with the picture, just felt like putting it up. Anyway, I must have passed the most exciting weekend I ever had. Soundman training, night cycling, BBQ all rolled into 24 hours or so.

I'm especially encouraged by the BBQ, organized by the bunch of monkeys *grin* that I used to tuition for almost 2 years and honorably invited to join them. Even though I didn't really see them through their years in school, I somewhat felt a sense of attachment to them. They are moving on to a new stage in their lives, a challenging phase where they are exposed to new kinds of influence. It brings a smile to my heart seeing them grow, and they reminded me that it takes a lot of investment and time to influence people's life.

In the last few weeks I've been locked in a phase of frustration, unfulfilled dreams, anger and disappointment about my ministry. Things are not going exactly where I want it to go, and the initial passion that fuels me has gone dry. The vision that directs me has gone blurred, to the point that I had to ask myself why am I doing all these. But seeing those boys again brought me back to the vision. These people that I am discipling is the reason why I am in ministry. I want to see them loving God more and more, and to be there alongside them in this journey. I cry out to be closer to them, but experience proves that it needs time. Much more time than I had expected.

I had a great time during last night's/this morning's night cycling. We went up all the way to the Benjamin Sheares bridge (hey, we're Shearites, it's only right that we make a visit to the bridge!) and that was a challenge I thought I would never had the chance nor stamina to try. However, I was pleasantly surprised that it was not that difficult after all. Just a little bit of push and encouragement and I managed to cycling up to the top of the bridge. The view was spectacular (eh, actually can't see much lah...the sky was still pitch-dark at 4.30am) and the breeze was great!

It was a good time of catching up with old friends during the night cycling trip; it was especially heartening to meet Weijing at the trip, a(n ex-)Block E friend I hold dear too. He too came back as a super-senior especially to participate in the night cycling. I had my fair share of meeting some of the Year Ones of my block too, and it was good since it was fairly easy to break the ice in such settings.

This year's night cycling will probably be the last one I will participate in with Sheares Hall. Heck, it could be my last night cycling trip...

Now onto my favourite hobby, just received an email from Canon annoucement the release of the Canon EOS 350D digital SLR. Cool stuff! I'm really moving one step closer to owning a DSLR this year! :)

I'm back here at Sheares Hall, waiting to go for the annual night cycling outing. The difference is, this year I'm joining the event as an alumni. It's scary because I don't know how it will turn out to be--not the route, but the people. Granted, there are familiar faces I'm very glad to see again, but how will I fit in to a well-formed social group? Am I able to fit it or am I going to cling on to the old people I know, and try to break into the group with no results? I don't know...really. I'll only be able to tell 12 hours from now.

Meanwhile, I'll work those CNY goodies off me! :)

Here's wishing every a Happy and Prosperous Lunar New Year!

Every year, there will be at least two occasions that the whole family will dine together: my mom's birthday, and the Chinese New Year Eve reunion dinner. On both occasions we will dine out, and it's (more often than not) a very fustrating event. Our family is the typical Singaporean family that is very particular about service, and somehow every time we go out and dine, the restaurant's service will always manage to screw up--or should I say, managed not to meet our "very high standard".

To add salt to the wound, my nephew's now at a very active stage where he cannot sit still. What do you get when you add an impatient family with an active kid that keeps running around the table? Chaos.

In the past I will get very upset and fustrated during the whole dinner, so much so I started to dread such dinners. However, by the grace of God, I managed not to feel that way. In fact, I kinda enjoyed the whole dinner. Not because the restaurant managed to do everything well, or that my nephew decided to keep still throughout the whole dinner, but because I somehow felt it's really OK that such things happen. I chose to enjoy the dinner instead of being distracted by the not-so-pleasant things, and that changes everything.

Phew! Today's really what I call a "catching-up" day. In a short span of a morning, I've chatted with 3-1/2 persons on MSN (the "1/2" comes in because I caught him at a wrong time and had to end the chat prematurely). Usually I'll reserve IM conversations to purely a passive tool, meaning I won't take the initative to keep in contact with people through IM. I'll rather wait for people to contact me rather than making the first step in starting a conversation online.

I decide to take a step of change and decide to take the risk in starting online conversations. Most of the time I'm passive because, as the 1/2-person* has demonstrated, I don't know how ready or prepared the other party is in sustaining a conversation with me. He/she may be occupied doing something, and the last thing I want is to disrupt his/her concentration. Using online conversations to communication can also lead to misunderstandings if one is not careful.

However, being able to take responsibility of my feelings do help. Using IMs can be emotionally harzardous because you do not know what the other party really feels--according to a study, words only make up 7% of the message in a conversation (tones and pitch makes up 38% and non-verbal body language makes up 55%). So, if my intentions are carefully crafted in my online conversations and I know I've done it to the best of my abilities, then I have protected myself emotionally--even if the other party accuses otherwise.

*I'm not saying that the "1/2" person is less than a whole person (he in every way is as whole as any other person), it's just that I find it easier to reference that particular incident through the notation. No offence, I hope...

It's been a long time since I've been so motivated...I managed to meet the deadline for a page sample for my client and met him up to discuss some details, but not before finishing my work that is due in the office before I left in the afternoon, and I went over to 2 printers to get quotations for the publication I'm doing layout for. Minutes ago I emailed out some necessary documents to my client--something I probably procrastinate if I were my "usual" self.

Tomorrow I'll be meeting up one of the pastors and try to glean some "good stuff" off him for my work. :) Well, as a fair "transaction", I'll probably treat him to his favourite drink: teh-si.

I was stuck in a "zombie" mode for the past 2-3 weeks or so, stuck in a rut and unmotivated to do anything properly. I'll give only enough to reach the bare minimum, unwilling to put in the extra mile to perfect a task. It was only last night when I went out with a close Brother-in-Christ that I found the resolution to ask God for strength. Jehovah, being the all-generous and all-merciful God, refreshed my deepest being. I just felt so good.

The last few weeks I was bothered with some emotional struggles (nope, I'm not reveal it here) that really sapped my energy and drive for living. But as I surrendered the struggles to God, I just felt so free. I've not been doing my devotions and prayers recently (since when was I doing it consistently? :P) and last night's prayers really did wonders.

"Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalms 46:10